This weekend, Hubby and I will celebrate our 28th wedding anniversary.
Photos clearly show that we were twelve years old at the time. Arranged marriages are always a good idea.
Hubby had recently had his braces removed.
Mine went on the following year.
Enough water has gone under the bridge in our relationship to establish a moat around our castle, a lazy river, and maintain several substantial waterfall features.
We recently added a couple of swans on top.
Here and there it has carved slot canyons in the landscape of our lives and you can hike around in them so long as you keep in mind that, at any random moment and no matter how brightly the sun is shining overhead, you could be dashed to your death in a flash flood.
Other than taking a moment of silence to commemorate the rash deeds of our youth, we are casting about for some form of team congratulatory activity. A high-five, but with a huge price tag attached to prove our sincerity.
After thirty years of hanging out with someone, it’s hard to come up with an original idea.
What are we supposed to come up with for our 30th?
Walk on the moon?
My girlfriends did some creative things, just last month.
We watched one couple as they renewed vows in a backyard sunset ceremony and video-taped their guests via drone, as we lit sparklers to create a huge glittering heart on fire. Wearing stilettos was worth eating wedding cake surrounded by millions of twinkle lights.
Another girlfriend texted me with tears of joy: her Hubby had gotten her a new transmission for their 20th.
Some romantics just like to show off.
And we still have two Golden Anniversaries to attend. What to do?
The Traditional Anniversary Gift List – which assuredly was made up by a woman because they are in charge of making lists – is lengthy and laughable.
It was invented before Pinterest and bless her heart, she tried to cover the bases.
Here I present to you my research, along with some much better thoughts.
Traditional Gift | Modern Gift | My Suggestion
- Paper | Clock | Chocolate
- Cotton | China | His-n-Hers Remotes
- Leather | Crystal/Glass | Tums
- Fruit/Flowers | Electrical Appliances | Wine
- Wood | Silverware | Nanny for a Year
- Candy/Iron | Wood Objects | A Good Dental Plan
- Wool/Copper | Desk Sets/Pens, Pencils | Housekeeper
- Pottery/Bronze | Linens/Lace | Wine-in-a-Box
- Willow/Pottery | Leather Goods | Lottery Tickets
- Tin/Aluminum | Diamond Jewelry | Tequila
- Steel | Fashion Jewelry/Accessories | Get Out of Jail Free Card
- Silk/Linen | Pearls/Colored Gems | A Reliable Car
- Lace | Textiles/Furs | Cat
- Animals (Ivory) | Gold Jewelry | 401K
- Crystal | watches | Kicky Reading Glasses
20. China | Platinum | Roadtrip to Yuma, AZ
25. Silver | Silver | Hair Plugs
30. Pearl | Diamond | Neck Wattle Reduction
35. Coral | Jade | Hearing Aids
40. Ruby | Ruby | Fruit-of-the-Month Club
45. Sapphire | Sapphire | Tandem Skydiving
50. Gold | Gold | Form Card from the President
60. Diamond | Diamond | Faces on a Smuckers Jar
75. Diamond/Gold | Platinum | Wheelchair Racing Stripes
85. Moonstone | Wine | Oxygen Tank Racing Stripes
90. Granite | Marble | Faces on a Milk Carton
Because if you made it to your 90th Wedding Anniversary, the granite is obviously a tombstone.
A nice tombstone.
Did you see what the modern lady did here?
She was starting to wonder if living past the 35th anniversary was even a modern probability, so she hedged her bets and stuck diamonds and gold between the 10th and 15th dates.
Smart list lady.
I don’t want to wait until I’m old as dirt to get good loot, either
After that apparently, you only need to bother every few years and if you go past your 60th, you were married at birth or your spouse and you are suspended in frozen test tubes somewhere.
The List is full of creative ideas and if I try just a little, I’m sure I can find a token of my lengthy love to my main squeeze.
But it’s not like we ladies need a legit excuse to go out and buy the sparklies and forge Hubby’s name on the card. When he sees the price tag we can just say, “But Honey, the List is a real thing, it’s right here on the internet. It’s tradition.”
And he will say, “Oh, so it is, and it’s as important as all the stuff we needed in our actual wedding ceremony, too, like flowers that matched the napkins and ten bridesmaids in tulle. I see there’s a category for electrical appliances. You’re gonna love the motorcycle you got me.”
Maybe we’ll play a romantic game of Rock/Paper/Scissors.
Otherwise known as Diamond/Cruise Ticket/Spa Date.