Good morning and welcome to the First Ever Fathers Day Hotline.
Please listen carefully as we have never tried this before.
If you never listen, please press buttons at random.
We understand. Drive this like a remote control race car down the Santa Monica freeway. Your Fathers Day, your rules.
If you need a pat on the back, please press one.
If you’re not sure how to explain your Dad job, please press two.
For a better understanding of this delicate interplay of fatherhood, please press three.
If you need a reminder that this dad gig is for life, please press four.
For a quick supply of Dad Jokes, please press five.
If you’re wondering whether or not to get a “Dad Bod”, please press six.
If you’re raising daughters, please press eight.
If you’re raising sons, please press nine.
Thank you for calling the Fathers Day Hotline. Enjoy your family. You are their Hero.