Good morning my dears and here are some cheers for the Mothers Day about to arrive.
No need to fret that the mall’s not open yet or the family has nowhere to drive.
Buying diamonds online is so unrefined, though flowers from the lawn might do.
But laughing is free and we always have tea, so relax with this bit just for you.
Good morning and thank you for calling the Mother’s Day Hotline.
Please listen carefully, as our menu has definitely changed. Who are we kidding?
The planet has definitely changed.
If you were the perfect mom….until you had kids, you’d better press 1.
If you feel like crying along with your toddler, press 2.
If you just need to unwind (un-wine?) with a girlfriend, press 3.
If you need to explain “boredom” to your middle school kid, please press 4.
If “distance learning” is now part of your life, please press 5.
If you are raising teenagers, please press 6.
If you need a heartwarming reminder that it will all be okay, press 7.
If you are the kid and need ideas for your own mother, better press 8.
If you are parenting fur-babies, please press 9.
If you need a reminder that you are rocking this mom gig, please press the pound key.
Thank you for calling the Mothers Day Hotline. Enjoy your tea. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. You are loved.