Good morning, and thank you for calling the Motherās Day Hotline.
Please excuse the dust, as our hotline has been out of commission for so long, phones are now wristwatches. Or maybe eyeglasses? But so far as I can tell… kids still show up in the good old-fashioned way.
If you were the perfect momā¦. until you had kids, please press 1.
If you are pregnant and searching for baby names, pleaseĀ press 2.
If you are currently surrounded with toddlers, pleaseĀ press 3.
If you are mothering elementary school age children, pleaseĀ press 4.
If youāre having a hard time getting your kids to eat, please press 5.
If the words āthis is your last warning!ā was issued three warnings ago, pleaseĀ press 6.
If your teens have made a strike towards independence, pleaseĀ press 7.
If you just need to unwind (un-wine?) with a girlfriend, please press 8.
IfĀ you need ideas for your own mother, please press 9.
If you need a reminder that you are rocking this mom gig, please press the poundĀ key.
However. If you are Grandmotheringā¦Ā press this one for extra credit.
Thank you for calling the Mothers Day Hotline. Enjoy your tea. Be kind to yourself. Breathe. You are the best mama ever. ā¤ļø