Lest I feel that dedicating this year to earning a “Novel Writing Certificate” is small potatoes…
Because it’s not enough to spend Tuesday and Saturday mornings driving in traffic for an hour in order to diagram plot points and decide whether my historical protagonist likes her coffee black or with a smidge of stevia…
Because meeting total strangers for the sole purpose of discovering that they are master writers and I am a kindergartner wielding a purple crayon…
They gotta throw “National Novel Writing Month” on top of it.
Did you know that novelists – the guys doing the real deal – have three to four books somewhere in progress while simultaneously coming up with new book ideas to pitch to publishers and they still teach classes, hold workshops, and market like crazy to make the money happen?
Do you know how much work it is to maintain a business social media, website, and amazon presence? No, you don’t, because if you’re smart you’ve hired me to do it for you. I run a freelance writing business on the side to pay for my obsession. That puts me one step closer to crazy town than I thought.
Me: “Don’t you think attempting to write a brand new novel in a single month will distract me from the one I’ve been trying to write for the last three years?”
Teacher/Author: “I highly recommend NaNoWriMo. Especially if you have a hard time with perfectionism.”
Me: “Who, me? Don’t be
ridiculous preposterous silly.”
Teacher/Evil Person: “The idea here is that in one month, you sit down and make 50,000 words. That’s only 1,666.66666 words a day. Easy peasy. As long as you don’t edit while you write.”
Me: “But that’s what people
love me for pay me to do.”
Teacher/Gastroenterologist: “You can’t keep a good steady outgo if you’re blocking with analytics. You have to relax. Just enjoy the word vomit.”
Me: Simultaneously whimpering and signing up online. My code name is Jolie Guacamole.
If you clean your house before the cleaning lady arrives, you know exactly how I feel.
And if you know how I feel about vomit, you also know exactly how I feel.
Buckle up. You will still get regular blogs in November because I love you, but they will be made ahead of time and auto-post with updates on my progress.
If you have a completely random character, setting, villain, plot twist, vehicle, pet, name, or an especially exciting way to kill off boring side characters, give it to me right here in the comments! Then tune in next month and see how I wrote about it.
Better yet, sign up yourself and join me on the dark side. *evil laughter*