Good morning, and thank you for calling the Mother’s Day Hotline.
If you are waiting in bed for a tray of burnt toast, spilt juice, and a macaroni necklace, enjoy the following selections at leisure. Otherwise, please choose carefully.
If you are currently considering becoming a mother, please press 1.
If you are pregnant and searching for baby names, please press 2.
If you are wondering what it’s like to give birth, please press 3.
If you have a newborn and and need direction on what type of mommy to be, please press 4.
If you are currently surrounded with toddlers, please press 5.
If you are mothering elementary school age children, please press 6.
If you have children in the middle school zone, please press 7.
If your teens have made a strike towards independence, please press 8.
If you are desperate for a “mom break” by now, please press 9.
If you are considering leaving them all behind and rejoining the work force, please press pound.
If your children are grown and flown from the nest, and you want to sob hysterically because it all went too fast, please press the star key.
Thank you for calling the Mothers Day Hotline. Enjoy your toast and tea. See you again next week.